Recognizing tainted rice crispy treats & believing what you observe
(people don't just snap, and violence is predictable)
When I first read the book The Gift of Fear by Gaven DeBecker, I felt like I was reading what I already knew all along, but finally had some confirmation about it all.
I've been reminded of many parts of this book in the past few days. Here are a few parts I've been reminded of particularly...
The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker
From Chapter 1 "In the Presence of Danger"
A television news show reports on a man who shot and killed his wife at her work. A restraining order had been served on him the same day as his divorce papers, coincidentally also his birthday. The news story tells of the man's threats, of being fired from his job, of putting a gun to his wife's head the week before the killing, of his stalking her. Even with all these facts, the reporter ends with: "Officials concede that no one could have predicted this would happen."
That's because we want to believe that people are infinitely complex, with millions of motivations and varieties of behaviour. It is not so. We want to believe that with all the possible combinations of human beings and human feelings, predicting violence is as difficult as picking the winning lottery ticket, yet it usually isn't difficult at all. We want to believe that human violence is somehow beyond our understanding, because as long as it remains a mystery, we have no duty to avoid it, explore it, or anticipate it. We need feel no responsibility for failing to read signals if there are none to read. We can tell ourselves that violence just happens without warning, and usually to others, but in service of these comfortable myths, victims suffer and criminals prosper.
From Chapter 3 "The Academy of Prediction"
The blind eye, of course, will never recognize {the human predator}, which is why I devote this chapter and the next to removing the blinders, to revealing the truths and the myths about disguises someone might use to victimize you.
I'll start with the hackneyed myth you'll recognize from plenty of TV news reports: "Residents here describe the killer as a shy man who kept to himself. They say he was a quiet and cordial neighbor."
Aren't you tired of this? A more accurate and honest way for TV news to interpret the banal interviews they conduct with neighbors would be to report, "Neighbors didn't know anything relevant." Instead, news reporters present noninformation as if it is information.
If someone causes me & others to be uneasy or speaks or writes in a way that's disturbing... That's a clue.
If you compound that with trouble with the law, a pyro incident, and a history of stalking women... Those aren't just "red flags" --- They're actual incidents of wrongdoing. They are blatant examples of actual dangerous behaviour.
It does everyone a disservice to claim there's "no way anyone could have known this was coming".
Perhaps not a specific this, but definitely a something. Particularly if other somethings have already preceded.
Violence might be shocking by its very nature... But it isn't completely random & unpredictable.
But even if law and law enforcement, administrators in workplaces & schools, and your neighbors, choose to believe in the myths of ignorance, and stay invested in non-responsibility... I know now that I don't have to operate under that ignorance, I need not labour under that convenient delusion. And neither do you.
There are ways to predict trouble. There are ways to keep oneself out of most harm's way. There are signs to utilize, and choices to make.
If you're interested in more about how, I highly recommend the following books on this topic that I found both helpful and fascinating...
The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker
The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout
Where to Draw the Line by Anne Katherine
There is Nothing Wrong with You by Cheri Huber
There's more to life than instincts, but they do come in handy. I've learned to trust my gut -- It's so invariably right it startles me sometimes.
superficiality >>If the facade is what's important to you, all you wind up with is an illusion. Disillusionment is the gift of substance.
-- Chloe<<
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