"Captain Nightly The Paranoid Pirate
& the Barrette Booty"

(a sock puppet show)

Listen to the mp3 audio recording of the sock puppet show by downloading the mp3 file. You can follow along with the script below.
The recording is approximately 18 minutes & 30 seconds long, and the mp3 file size is approximately 13mb.(Apologies for the poor sound recording.*)


Frankie Stein, Female Puppet, Captain Nightly, & Mike Benedetti (Captain Nightly Puppeteer).
This was part of the Alternative to Noise "Happy Times" performance art marathon held at the AFA Gallery in Scranton, Pennsylvania, USA, on January 11th 2003.
THE CAST:
Captain Nightly - Mike Benedetti
Brandy Brethington - Vanessa Norton
Frankie Stein - Michael Paulukonis
Person1 - Connie Sinavage
Person2 - Jason Sherry
Female Puppet - Michael Paulukonis
Person3 - Jason Sherry
Person4 - Michael Paulukonis
Laundry Scene prop by Matt Bonewicz
Sound Effects by Matt Bonewicz
w/ assistance by Wayne Feldman

"Captain Nightly The Paranoid Pirate & the Barrette Booty"
(a sock puppet show)

Author: Chloe ©2003
(Frankie Stein puppet character from Michael Paulukonis' "Mr. Stein's Neighborhood Street"

SCENE 1 - Puppet Stage Area

Captain CAPTAIN NIGHTLY PUPPETEER emerges from behind the puppet stage to gripe.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY PUPPETEER
(exasperated)
Well where's the puppet? The show is supposed to be starting and I can't find the sock puppet! Where's the pirate puppet? Where the hell is the puppet?

PERSON2
(to Person1)
Oh no. Check your pant leg.

Person1 pulls sock puppet out of pant leg.

PERSON1
Sorry, it must've got stuck there when I did my laundry.

Person1 gives sock puppet to Captain Nightly Puppeteer.

FRANKIE STEIN PUPPETEER
Okay we can begin now.

Captain Nightly Puppeteer returns behind puppet stage.

SCENE 2 - The Docks

BRANDY WEARING HAT CAPTAIN NIGHTLY WEARING BARET

Brandy is on the docks humming in a reverie


Brandy Brethington
Frankie appears on the docks
FRANKIE STEIN
(muttering to himself)
Ooh, there's Brandy Brethington. What is she doing here?

Frankie goes up to Brandy and she jumps (hair swinging)

FRANKIE STEIN
Hi Miss Brethington! What are you doing hanging out down by the docks?

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
What does it look like I'm doing?

FRANKIE STEIN
Oh, I really wouldn't like to say what it looks like.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Well, then I wonder what YOU're doing here down by the docks.


Frankie Stein
FRANKIE STEIN
Oh, I was just down here looking for sailo... um, looking at the ships. I saw you & I thought I'd be neighborly.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
If you must know, I'm waiting for my sailor to come back from the sea.

FRANKIE STEIN
A sailor? Who's that? Do I know him?

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Do you know Captain Nightly?

FRANKIE STEIN
Captain Nightly? That crazy sock who thinks he's a pirate?! (laughs)

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Oh, but he IS a pirate!

FRANKIE STEIN
Yeah, right. The Paranoid Pirate. He didn't even become a sailor until after he lost one eye. He has a patch, but he doesn't have a peg leg or even a parrot.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
(looking away from Frankie)
Ooooh. Thanks for the birthday idea.

FRANKIE STEIN
You're going to chop off one of his legs on his birthday this year?

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
(still looking off as if at a ship in the distance)
There he is now. I can see his ship.

FRANKIE STEIN
Ah, I see he sprung for a jolly roger flag. I guess maybe he is a pirate now. You know, I once ordered a sticker of the Type-0 Negative band, but they sent me a jolly roger sticker instead. I still have it someplace. Maybe I'll give him that to stick on his peg leg in April. His birthday's in April, right?

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
What? Excuse me, he's docking now.

Frankie exits

Captain Nightly arrives on the docks & approaches Brandy


Captain Nightly
CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Ah, Brandy lass. It's been so long.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
It's been a week.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Yes, a week. A long time for a sock to go without... laundering.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Then you'll be very pleased to know I enlarged my laundry room.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Ah, let's cut the malarky & get going then.

Nightly & Brandy exit

SCENE 3 - Laundromat


Laundry prop by Matt Bonewicz w/ laundry basket
CAPTAIN NIGHTLY WEARING BARET FEMALE PUPPET WEARING BARRETTE

Captain Nightly, Frankie, & FEMALE PUPPET hanging out in the laundromat.

FRANKIE STEIN
I couldn't help but notice you use a different brand of fabric softener than I use. What do you use?

FEMALE PUPPET
I use Snuggle fabric softener because I can't resist cute bear in television commercials.

FRANKIE STEIN
I know what you mean.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
You people are still watching TELEVISION? Don't you know the LEAST of your concerns is being seduced by a fleecey teddy bear? They're putting the beams right into your eyes that way!

Ding of a bell interrupts Nightly

SOUND EFFECT - DING OF BELL

FRANKIE STEIN
Oh, I think that's my laundry!

FEMALE PUPPET
Well, since there's no TV here, I'm going to turn on the radio.

Frankie returns.

FRANKIE STEIN
I had to put another quarter in the dryer for another cycle. I'd love to stick around & listen to the radio with you guys... But I have to go to the store & buy something I saw on TV. I'll be back to get my laundry later. Bye!

Frankie exits.

Captain Nightly close to FEMALE PUPPET

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
You know lassie, we don't have to put the radio on.

FEMALE PUPPET
It's usually on all the time here in the laundromat.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Yeah, I turned it off when I came in. The mind control beams, you know. But surely there are other things we can do for fun while you're waiting for your laundry.

FEMALE PUPPET
For fun... Like what?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Well... do you want to take a turn in the dryer with me? I haven't been round & round in a dryer in awhile. Being at sea, you know.

FEMALE PUPPET
What do you mean? I would've thought you took a few turns in Miss Brethington's big, beautiful new laundry room by now.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Oh no, we couldn't get it working. So what do you say? There's a lot of nice dryers here to give a go... Come on, it'll be fun. Let's try this one back here.

FEMALE PUPPET
Um... Okay then.

Captain Nightly & FEMALE PUPPET exit out of sight

SOUND EFFECT - DRYER SOUNDS.

Giggles & "fun noises" coming from Captain Nightly and Female Puppet.

FEMALE PUPPET *NOT* WEARING BARRETTE ANYMORE BARRETTE IN CAPTAIN NIGHTLY'S MOUTH

SOUND EFFECT - DRYER STOPS

Captain Nightly returns

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
(doing a victory dance)
Heh-heh-heh

Captain Nightly exits the laundromat.

FEMALE PUPPET returns

FEMALE PUPPET
Hmmmm

Frankie returns.

FRANKIE STEIN
Is my laundry done?

FEMALE PUPPET
I didn't hear the bell ring.

FRANKIE STEIN
Hey, wait a minute, where's that nice barrette you were wearing?

FEMALE PUPPET
Oh... um... Is it gone? I haven't the faintest clue where it could be.

FRANKIE STEIN
Hmmm, and Captain Nightly's gone too. Well, we can turn on the radio now.

SOUND EFFECT - GHOST WORLD SOUND TRACK, TRACK ONE

FEMALE PUPPET
Goody!

Puppets start dancing to the music.

FRANKIE STEIN
Oh wow, I love this song. Disco, disco. Everybody dance!

BRANDY BRETHINGTON NOT WEARING HAT.

Brandy Brethington enters, and joins in the dancing.

FRANKIE STEIN
(while still dancing) Hi Miss Brethington!

FEMALE PUPPET
(while still dancing) Hi Miss Brethington.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY WEARING FOIL BEANIE

Captain Nightly returns & joins in the dancing.

SOUND EFFECT - CUT MUSIC

FRANKIE STEIN
Hey Nightly, aren't you worried about the beams coming from the radio?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
That's why I put on my Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie. Do you want one?

SOUND EFFECT - BELL DINGS

FEMALE PUPPET
Okay, sounds like my laundry is dry. See you later guys.

FEMALE PUPPET exits.


Brandy Brethington
BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Don't let him talk you into putting on one of those foolish beanies, Frankie.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
You should be wearing one too Brandy!

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
(scoffing)
That's it, I'm going home to see if I can call a repairman to fix my washer so we don't have to hang out here in the laundromat.

FRANKIE STEIN
What's wrong with hanging out in a laundromat? ... I do it all the time.

Brandy Brethington tosses head and exits.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Come on, we'll get you fitted now.

SCENE 4 - LAUNDROMAT

BOTH NIGHTLY AND FRANKIE WEARING ALUMINUM FOIL DEFLECTOR BEANIES PERSON1 WEARING BARRETTE


Captain Nightly wearing his Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie
Frankie & Captain Nightly appear.

After a few seconds, Person1 approaches stage position

FRANKIE STEIN
Hey babe, whaddaya doin', huh?

PERSON1
What's going on? What's with that foil on your heads?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
(very serious-like)
These are our Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies.

FRANKIE STEIN
Yeah, don't we look cool?

PERSON1
They look very silly.

FRANKIE STEIN
The Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies are the latest to help keep out the mind control beams & the cosmic rays from the satellites that are trying to control us and make us vote for George Bush & things like that.

PERSON1
(skeptical)
I get it.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Do you want one?

PERSON1
(not impressed)
I don't think so.

SOUND EFFECT - DING OF BELL

FRANKIE STEIN
Sounds like my blankets are done drying finally.

Frankie dips below and then reappears with some tiny blankets in hand.

FRANKIE STEIN
Okay, I'm going to take these home, I'll be back with some more a little later.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
(to Person1)
So where's YOUR laundry?

PERSON1
Oh, I just come here to listen to the radio. Mine's broken. And the one here is usually on.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
There are things to do at a laundromat that are much more fun than the stupid radio.

PERSON1
Like what?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Do you want to take a turn in one of the dryers with me?

PERSON1
Oh, well I'm not sure. Is that safe?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Of course! Come on, it'll be fun. You know you want to. Come on. Follow me.

Captain Nightly & Person1 disappear behind puppet stage.


Connie Sinavage ("Person1")
PERSON1
Wait a minute. Are you SURE this is safe? There's a sign here that says "Placing socks in this dryer will result in the loss of one sock." Sounds like it wouldn't be safe for YOU to go in this dryer.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Yes, well, you're wearing TWO socks. So that means there's only one third the risk. Believe me, the fun is worth it. Come on, let's start it up.

SOUND EFFECTS - DRYER SOUNDS

Nightly & Person1 giggling and making "fun noises"

BARRETTE NO LONGER IN PERSON1'S HAIR, NOW IN CAPTAIN NIGHTLY'S MOUTH.

Person1 & Captain Nightly reappear, somewhat askew.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
(doing a victory dance)
heh-heh-heh

Captain Nightly exits.

FRANKIE WITHOUT BEANIE

Frankie returns.

PERSON1
Hi Frankie. Sorry to leave you alone here, but I have to go. I'm feeling a little sea sick.

FRANKIE STEIN
Well, then at least YOU'LL never take up pirating, I guess.

PERSON1
Not likely.

FRANKIE STEIN
Hey, where'd that pretty barrette of yours go?

Person1 exits

BRANDY BRETHINGTON NOT WEARING HAT

Brandy Brethington returns.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Where is Captain Nightly? I thought he was hanging out here?

FRANKIE STEIN
He was here before.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Oh well. I guess we can turn on the radio then.

FRANKIE STEIN
Oh, no, wait, I forgot my Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie at home.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Oh my. Not you now too. Relax. Believe me, it won't make any difference.

FRANKIE STEIN
No beanie? Oh, well, I guess it won't hurt just this once.

Frankie turns on radio

SOUND EFFECT - MUSIC - GHOST WORLD SOUNDTRACK TRACK ONE

Frankie & Brandy Brethington dance.

FRANKIE STEIN
Oooh. Everybody disco.

PERSON2 WEARING BARRETTE

Person2 comes sauntering by and stops when seeing Frankie & Brandy dancing.


Jason Sherry ("Person2")
PERSON2
Hey, is this a party?

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
I guess it is.

Person2 joins in the dancing w/ Brandy & Frankie

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY WEARING BARET

After a few moments Captain Nightly returns.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Oh no! Frankie, I thought I told you not to listen to the radio without your Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie!

SOUND EFFECT - CUT MUSIC

FRANKIE STEIN
Oh yeah, you're probably right. Maybe we shouldn't be listening to the music so long without protection.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Oh my my my. I can't believe you'd SPOIL the FUN!

PERSON2
What are you talking about?

FRANKIE STEIN
(mockingly)
trouble in paradise!

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
That's it. I'm going home. The repairman should be finished fixing my dryer by now. But why don't you just stick to the laundromat, Nightly.

Brandy exits tossing head

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
(calling after Brandy)
Fine. Why don't you just fall in love with the Frankenstein midget and get off my back!

FRANKIE STEIN
(confused)
WHO? What are you talking about.

PERSON2
I think he's talking about you.

FRANKIE STEIN
You really are a pirate, aren't you! I'm going.

Frankie exits.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
So you want to take a turn in the dryer with me?

PERSON2
Yeah! Sounds like fun!

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Come on, follow me.

Frankie & Person2 disappear behind puppet stage

PERSON2
Hey, what's this warning about losing at least one sock?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Don't worry about it, I never get lost. I'm a pirate.

SOUND EFFECT - DRYER SOUNDS

Captain Nightly & Person2 giggle & make "fun noises"

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY WITH PERSON2'S BARETTE IN HIS MOUTH

Nightly & Person2 appear again

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
(doing a victory dance)
heh-heh-heh

Captain Nightly exits.

Frankie returns

FRANKIE STEIN
Did you hear my laundry bell ring?

PERSON2
I don't know.

FRANKIE STEIN
Hey, wait a minute! You're missing your barrette too! I'm seeing a pattern here.

PERSON2
That's not all. I'm missing a sock too. But the warning on the dryer didn't say anything about barrettes though.

FRANKIE STEIN
I think Captain Nightly took it.

PERSON2
Well, he IS a pirate.

FRANKIE STEIN
Yeah, I guess he really is a pirate.

PERSON2
Come on, let's put the radio back on and dance more.

FRANKIE STEIN
Okay.

SOUND EFFECT - GHOST WORLD SOUNDTRACK - TRACK ONE

Frankie and Person2 dance

SOUND EFFECT - CUT MUSIC

SCENE 5 - Neighborhood Street

BRANDY BRETHINGTON - WEARING HAT

FRANKIE STEIN
I'm so glad I found you here.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Why is that, Frankie?

FRANKIE STEIN
Because I have to tell you... Captain Nightly really IS a pirate! He is! He is! He is a pirate! Oh my god he's a pirate!

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Yes, duh! We've been all through this, Frankie. I told you he's a pirate.

FRANKIE STEIN
Yeah, but you know, he's been pirating barrettes off of everyone in the laundromat.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Oh really? Well there he is now. I'll have to find out about this. You run along now, Frankie.

FRANKIE STEIN
But, but, but... but...

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
It's okay. Go ahead.

FRANKIE STEIN
Ah.. okay.

Frankie exits.

Captain Nightly appears

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Are you still upset with me about the radio in the laundromat?

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
(tentatively)
Well...

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
I have something for you here.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
A present?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
I have some barrettes for you.


Brandy Brethington
Captain Nightly produces a plastic baggie full of barrettes.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Very nice. Where did you get them?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
It's my pirate's booty.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Let's go back to my house so I can try them on. Oh yeah, and the repairman got the washer & dryer fixed, so we can launder ourselves at HOME.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
Great! Let's get going. We better hurry though, because I have to sail this evening.

Nightly & Brandy exit.

SCENE 6 - Docks

BRANDY WEARING 2 BARRETTES, NIGHTLY WEARING BARET

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Do you really have to sail NOW?

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
I'm afraid so, Brandy. But I'll be back.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
You never stay long enough. A few turns in the dryer, and you're gone again.


Michael Paulukonis (Frankie Stein Puppeteer & "Person4"
CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
I'm a pirate. I have to sail.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
I know. Well, thank you for the barrettes.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY
I COULD be persuaded to stay until tomorrow morning if you let me spend the night at your house so we could make love.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON
Oh, no. We can't do that unless we get married!

SOUND EFFECT - MUSIC - CHARLIE'S ANGELS SOUNDTTRACK TRACK 10

Captain Nightly sings along with the song "Brandy"


Captain Nightly
Person4 arrives wearing apron, plastic gloves, and carrying a laundry basket.

PERSON4
Okay, let's break up this sock puppet show.

SOUND EFFECT - CUT MUSIC

PERSON4
I've come to collect the laundry. Put them in the basket.

Captain Nightly & Brandy Brethington sign "ahs" together.

Captain Nightly & Brandy Brethington puppeteers emerge from behind puppet stage, take off sock puppets and put them in the laundry basket.

Person3 takes laundry basket out of the room.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY PUPPETEER
Well, it WAS just a sock puppet show.


Vanessa (Brandy Brethington Puppeteer)
BRANDY BRETHINGTON PUPPETEER
And remember, PEOPLE are NOT supposed to "take a turn" in a laundry dryer. It's dangerous. Don't try it at home.

CAPTAIN NIGHTLY PUPPETEER
That's right. This was just a puppet show. Make believe. You can look behind the puppet stage. There's no dryer there. It was all special effects.

BRANDY BRETHINGTON PUPPETEER
And you shouldn't steal barrettes either.

The End

* Listening to the mp3 for 5 hours straight has been known to cause migraines which may impede your ability to complete tasks which you've promised friends you'd work on. Listening to the puppet show only once or twice in a sitting is strongly recommended.
©2003 Chloe ("raising issues" one sock puppet show at a time)